woke up with the emptiness, makes me can't go back to sleep despite my horrible sleeping habits.

i seek for happiness and things i can account for as far i can concern. I don find a need in hiding things, and i share what i know. big mistake, but the level of transparency was always there until one grow up and realised is not that good when everyone knows your dirty little secret and there is no apparent reason why one have to appear so naked with people who dont know any nuts about me. I don like things hanging, im not talking about dicks. I don like uncertain things, i dont like things with no confimation, i dont like situation whereby will lead me to guesses and more assumptions. As you guys have to know, cancerians are the most fucking emocore horoscope available in the 12 others, not forgetting they are ultra senstive and fragile. ok, i made the last part up, but cmon, we are already emo, and now we are senstive freaks, which makes us fragile okay. so i dont know. i get bitch fits every now and then, the morals in me keep haunting me to get the fact done. im not any _______, he's not ________ and yadayadayda. it kept going on.

NOW PLAYING: everybodys somebodys fool. super oldies, and corny song i tell you.

Someday you'll find someone you really care for.
And if her love should prove to be untrue.
You'll know how much this heart of mine is breaking.
You'll cry for her the way i've cried for you.
Yes, everybody's somebody's fool.
Everybody's somebody's plaything.
And there are no exceptions to the rule.
Yes, everybody's somebody's fool.

moving on, i got bitch fit again, yesterday. i do woke up in regrets, hoping i handle it more appropriately. i do hope i can make it up somehow, i din mean what i said, really. you know, i already had plans for some kind of celebration when you know, people see us as them, not he and she. i already know what we can do, what to buy, what activities we can do, how we can minimize the expenses and the to-bring list. i did them while day-dreaming and i forgot they are inspired by the fucking 5 paper i have to study for. But it certainly great planned, actually it's a fucking total surprise, but i think you are too smart to get surprised. but whatever,that's my plan. I Still want to do it, i need you to fulfill it. when i say go, i never did meant away. Huda was right, because of my can't be bothered, my do-not care i actually lost a number of relationships. But i can't lose this one yet, this is like kinda a investment i put my time, love , TLC, patience, sleeping habits, hectic plans, excitement, anger in. i always wonder, when i were to be someone irritating/stupid/ahlian/cheena i always wonder if you din change me, if not for you, im one of the hated person by myself. thankyouverymuch. i realised im a bitch in heart, i really can't be bothered. if im left behind, okay, im left behind. if no one cares, okay. no one cares. there's always my skippy at home, running in circle in attempt to create some fancy acts to welcome me home, he's always so cute. i never been not able to smile with his stupid attempts to cheer me up. Oh, i was walking pass a park yesterday, feeling fucking pissed with dad and stuff then there this cat who came out from somewhere, followed me for a 50m walk, totally wants me to bring her home. she just make my day. thanks cat in the park, for making me special. i hate chinese new year, im just declared very single now, matter of fact, it was very complicated yesterday, but very single today. diverted phone calls/a switch off mobile always been my stunt, you steal them asshole. please use ur own on me, please. so upsetting to get the shits im been giving, it's like karma0yesterday. But no doubt what i said yesterday, im afraid im only brutally honest to you, you and only you. i can tell you how din-bothered you were, how alone i felt even when u are just next to me. please do buzz me, im making this complete naked entry public for the benefit of you. im actually still thinking to invite you for the dinner today, but dad is an perfect asshole, i got my pettiness from him. really, i got my anger from him too. that's why we are still in cold war now, he refuse to give me the money again. like whatever, hope he strike whatever and realised that money is all around, and gave me all. HAHA, not funny. we suppose to go clubbing together btw, i forgot. not with my dad, a new topic alr. but yeah, there's alot of things that we have no do yet, it's at the bottom of the list but we rather do the same old things everytime. We are not done here, come back. once we are done, we are then allow to decide what we are going to do next. i realised people really go, words left unsaid has too much different interpretation to it. i can't afford that, i can't afford that when people are leaving. I.E qamarulhuda. i dont know how many talks we have that involve, "don't know what you thinking", foolish . speechless. she's leaving for christ sake, for a good 5 month, and for the next 6 month, it will be my turn. that makes up to the entire year 3, well done my friend, i still don get how you manage to change everyone life with that decision of yours. and also, tan deenie, she is for christ sake, going cambodia, what do they speak anywhere? what language? what food? omg, is not like going to middlesex road (no pud intended) and say you are lost, you are a working airplane away. if you did it, i pray to you, if you don't. let's hit the bar, you are the human i know. but i do hope you make it, don't waste your youth on something stupid here. moving on, chewing on my 7D dried mango, icalled again. phone off, ur stupid maid hang up the call on me again. im really helpless here, i guess that's what u were yesterday morning. but im worried. dead worried. and i can't get away from my home at around 5 alr, i CAN'T. i will get shot, chop or whatever kongfu my mom and sister and dad knows. skippy just gonna hide. i want the card i showed u at vivo that day. can this get anymore obvious? i don't know alr. yeap, we could we together if we don screwed it up altogether.im pretty lazy to pack the room. guess i have to. to keep things off my mind. you. please, please please, call when u read all this craps, cause im worried sick. the blue flower are gonna die if you don. skippy is gonna bite me if you don. call okay. call.

runs, bye.

z67412799.jpg

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close